Harry and the Order of the HalfBlood Goblet
by Olivia Fuse
Summary: Humor and craziness abound in a fictional tales of laughs, love, action and adventure! Read on to find out about Dumbledore and his recording contract and Harry's new girlfriend who isn't quite who she says she is. Rated T for language and later chapters.


**Authors note: **I am not involved in any way shape or form with Harry Potter, Warner Bros., JK Rowling, Scholastic or Bloomsbury books, etc, etc. I do not own it or whatnot. Please enjoy my crazy story, it's basically all for laughs and giggles. Rated M for language and later chapters. Let me know if I should continue and what you want to see happen with this story… and now we commence…

**CHAPTER ONE; Fake Plastic Ponies **

"Well personally, I've always liked the green jello best." A tired-of-arguing Harry said to a very bitchy Hermione. He could still taste the cabbage on his teeth as he breathed out.

"Harry, shut up, and plus, you smell like cabbage." An exasperated Hermione practically yelled. Four streakers who had painted the words 'LET'S', 'GO', 'RAVEN' and 'CLAW' on their chests ran by. "Oh my it's cold out, isn't it?" Hermione exclaimed, glancing over the naked boys.

"Well I wouldn't smell like cabbage… if… you hadn't, um, ah…" Harry thought for a moment, and then thought again. He raised his hand and opened his mouth but soon gave up.

"Face it Harry, no one forced you to make that bet with Terry Boot, he was better at jinxes involving toilets than you were. You lost, and you HAD to eat 20 pounds of that cabbage." She said, rather irritated.

"YOUR FAULT… god damn it." Harry looked rather put out and focused himself on gazing upon the rainbow and gold decorations adorning the hall. He tripped over a large silver and purple baton but gained his balancing before landing outside the Gryffindor portal. Harry and Hermione were both were stunned, horrified and terrified at what they saw. They retreated and fell over each other in horror. They had witnessed something so horrid, so terrible, so 1980's , the fat lady in pink and lime spandex.

"Well how-de-do children! Do you remember the password?" She said, grinning with glee while moving her hips to a non existent booty rap beat. She kicked up her legs and clapped, and every time she made a gyration Harry and Hermione would scream in terror and fear.

"Oh! seems as if you kiddies have forgotten the password. Don't worry, I'll let you in. They changed it just this morning, maybe you didn't hear it announced. Well for future reference it is 'Fake Plastic Ponies'. Alright?" The portrait swung open to a lavishly decorated common room where Harry and Hermione each stumbled to a chair where they breathed heavily, they were finally safe. It took them about 10 minutes to compose themselves after that terrifying ordeal. Harry vomited at least twice. Neither of them spoke until a pale Ron stumbled into the room.

"You do not want to go up there…" He said brushing a few strands of hair out of his face and pointing twards the male dormitories. "it's a real mess." He said. Harry sat up and shuddered. "Whoa, what happened to you guys?"

"Go outside and see for yourself." Hermione said pointing at the portal door. "Oh my god…" She said shaking her finger. Ron shrugged and walked outside. A few seconds later they heard the screech of Ron and the chipper and squeal like voice of the fat woman. Harry and Hermione chuckled and headed to their respective dorms.

Harry lay up, and looked at the ceiling which was particularity difficult because he was sleeping on the bottom bunk. The not-quite-dark-yet light cast a shadow on the many rainbow flags, bulletins, and posters of "DUMBLEDORR". It seemed that everyone this year was just, oh so proud to be gay. Either that or just Seamus was, or so Harry suspected.

So obviously, before I continue I should explain the story thus far. As you may not know, little Harry and the gang are at the very beginning of their sixth year. As I am sure you have heard of their tales in the fifth year, you may not have heard of what was happening to Dumbledore while he was on hiatus from headmaster. Dumbledore was recording a studio album under the alias DUMBLEDORR. Unfortunately, when the CD dropped over the summer, he became a mega gay icon with his toe tapping techno beats. Now don't get me wrong, Dumbledore loves the ladies (he initially, and I quote from an article in Teen Wizard, started the music career "for the chicks, dude, for the chicks") but the whole gay idol phenomenon caught on like a wildfire, so with his pride deeply scarred by the misleading music taste, DUMBLEDORR slipped back into headmaster-dom.

Take it from me, the craziness does not end here… Hogwarts has never been the same since the night the mysterious and gorgeous visitor found her way into these hallowed halls…


End file.
